Am I enough?

     “Am I enough?”  This question plagues my day to day.  Every time I take on some new and daunting task, a series of questions that all come back to this plague my mind.  If I let it, the fear paralyzes me and I stop.  I never move any further.  I have to be willing to accept that I alone am not enough.  It is only then that I am able to move forward.  You see, for me, the truth is ingrained in my faith—I alone am not enough.  I can only get through the (at times seemingly absurd) tasks I have been called to if I trust in Christ to carry me through them.  2nd Corinthians 12: 9-10 tells us "And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

My days are often crazier and more chaotic than I ever envisioned them to be.  With four small children, there is always something crazy happening. For example, today I blew up an inflatable pool so I could sit on my porch and write while the little ones played happily.  Instead, as soon as we got the pool inflated, the littlest one grabbed the garden hose and doused me from head to toe!  As soon as we got the pool filled and her in her swimsuit, she decided she wasn’t actually interested in swimming and asked to walk the dog.  I shook my head, sighed, and said “OK” and we went for a nice walk and my writing was held off until later.  That alone is just the tiniest hiccup in my world though. 

I am currently swimming in a world of uncertainties.  My husband, who has been a landscaper for the last decade, is currently struggling to walk due to severe sciatica that was not alleviated with a back surgery that had a 95% success rate for patients his age.  Our finances are up in the air and yet I feel, undoubtedly, called to continue homeschooling this year.  This will be my first year homeschooling all three children at higher levels (my third child did 4 year old preschool last year, but that is really not all that intensive) and my 10 daughter has asked for a more intensive math program this year.  I find myself forced to address the concern that I alone am certainly not enough, however, I also believe that God himself cares enough about even the tiniest details in my life to ensure that if I am following His plans for me, he will help me succeed.  

        God promises us, “even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you” (Isaiah 46:4).  We can be certain that even in the times we feel like we cannot do whatever it is we are called to do, God will ensure that there is a way we can carry His good work to completion.